After the last day of swimming and tennis at the sports club we were leaving, I took my kids to an open house in San Francisco. My wife was on a mom trip to Napa and I wanted to continue introducing my kids to the place to stay. Maybe they might have a professional interest in it one day.
The open house tour did not go as I had hoped. It was an amazing real estate experience, but one that I am grateful for, because it was a great lesson to teach my children about how to manage people.
We landed on this five bedroom, four bathroom, 3,477 square foot home on the southwest side of San Francisco listed for $3,995,000. It was 3:53pm, seven minutes before closing time. My children, tired from a long day of work, sat down on the living room furniture to take it in, quietly.
Almost immediately, the real estate agent, let’s call her Nancy (not the main listing agent), told them not to stay there. I was surprised, because no agent had ever told you not to sit on the furniture before. I have sold two houses and one with stage furniture, it is not a big deal as I want the buyers to soak things in, which includes sitting on the sofa and thinking about how it will be.
So I asked the children to stand up. Children can be strong. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but I wasn’t happy.
Then, he looked at us and said: “Shoo shoo, I’m closing and don’t want to delay me.”
WTF?
I don’t know what Nancy saw when we entered. I know that people like me are not always welcome in places like this. We probably looked too poor to go into a house like this as we pulled up in an 11-year-old car and put on jogging clothes after tennis. But what I do know is that my children and I deserved respect, and we didn’t get it.
What is an Arrogant Real Estate Agent
Shoo shoo.
I’ve been to more open houses than I can count over the past 26 years. I have never, in any market, in any area, heard a real estate agent talk to a potential buyer that way.
Quality, the perfect base for work, to make guests feel welcome. He says take your time and look. You give a card, a smile, a question about what they want. That’s the job. At the very least, you let people stay until the posted closing time without treating them like they’re a nuisance.
Instead, we were shot. Like doves. Like unwanted pests. Amazing.
Here’s what I think is going on.
It’s Easy to Be Lazy and Dismissed When the Housing Market is Tight
San Francisco’s real estate market is strong right now, in large part because of the AI boom. Inventory is tight, demand is high, and sellers tend to put in more offers. In that environment, some kind of listing agent starts to behave less like a service professional and more like a gatekeeper.
They forget, or maybe they didn’t really understand, that their job is to sell a home. To do that, you need buyers. And to attract buyers, you need to make them feel good about the place and the experience of walking in it. You don’t accomplish that by making a father and his children feel like they’re wandering around in the wrong place.
This type of attitude is not only undesirable. Bad business. Failure at the most important level of work.
A listing agent is, rightly or wrongly, an extension of the seller. Get it wrong, and not only does the listing agent look bad, but so does the seller.
Sellers Pay More in Commission
Let me clarify what “bad business” means here. This home is listed at $3,995,000. At a typical 2-3% listing agent commission, that transaction is worth somewhere between $79,900 to $119,850 in fees. For that kind of money, the seller deserves an agent who does everything in his power to make every guest fall in love with the home.
The open house I went to was empty. In a supposedly tight market, a house worth about four million was empty at four o’clock in the afternoon on a weekend, and one family that showed up was told they were going to hit the shoo.
That is not the problem of a strong market. That is a problem of representation. We were at an open house two blocks away at 3:45 p.m., at 60 Mercedes Way, which is a complete fixer-upper and it was full of people.
This is even more important now given what the industry has been through. The NAR price-fixing lawsuit and its subsequent settlement forced a long-running national conversation about what real estate agents actually provide in exchange for their commissions.
For many years, the standard commission structure was defended on the grounds that agents brought expertise, access, and service. Buyers and sellers are now asking those questions more directly than ever. When an agent behaves the way Pattie does, it’s not just rude. He is actively talking about being sent by him without reason.
Who’s going to buy a house if the listing agent makes you feel stupid? There is no.
Because of that interaction. No amount of square footage or updated finishes should be passed on to someone who spoke to my family that way. And I guess I’m not the only person who came out of that open house feeling the same way.
For the Realtor: What You Need to Know
If I were the seller of this home, I would be surprised, unless I instruct my agent to exclude certain types of people. If every buyer who walks out of an open house feels dismissed, disrespected, or unwelcome, I can forget about getting an offer. That’s expensive.
In a market where perception drives the price, and where a home worth around four million dollars needs all the profit it can get, an agent with a negative attitude is not a neutral presence. You are actively working against the financial interest of the seller.
For anyone preparing to sell a home, especially in a high-value market like San Francisco where your property may be the single largest asset you may own, here’s what I urge you to do before signing a listing agreement.
Things to Do Before Hiring a Real Estate Agent
First, check the agent’s record in detail, not just the volume of sales but the quality of the results. Are homes selling for asking price or more? How long have they been on the market? Has there been a price cut? An agent can have a long career and a complete list of past sales while always being ineffective for sellers. Sales volume tells you how busy someone is. The details tell you how good they are.
Second, ask for references, and go beyond them. Don’t just accept the names the agent handpicks. Look for recent transactions independently through public records or historical listings on Redfin or Zillow and reach out to at least three sellers who have worked with the agent in the past year or two.
Ask them directly: how did the open houses go? Do you always show up, or do you take responsibility for someone else? Did the buyers seem involved and welcome? Did the agent communicate with you consistently throughout the process? Are there any surprises? You’ll learn far more from those conversations than from any sales pitch or agent bio.
Third, visit one of the agent’s open houses yourself before renting them. Go unannounced. Be aware of how they treat people who come in the door. Are they engaging, knowledgeable, and warm? Or do they watch the clock and treat visitors as a nuisance? What you see at that open house is exactly what your buyers will find. A direct preview of the service your list will receive.
Fourth, understand what you are paying for and hold the agent to a level that justifies it. A listing commission for a San Francisco home worth close to four million dollars is not a small sum. It is money that can fund a child’s education, pay off debts, or change the family’s financial situation. The person earning that commission should approach every single showing, every open house, and every contact with a buyer as if their professional life depended on it. Because, in a logical sense, it does.
What I Told My Kids On The Drive Home
The way you treat people, especially people you see as having less power or status than you, is a direct reflection of your character. Learn to treat everyone with kindness, no matter what they look like or who they are. It is not easy, as we all have our biases, but we must try.
In my culture, we believe that if you are very lucky, you should be very humble. Success is not a license to look down on others. It is an obligation to be more kind, generous, and considerate of your behavior. The hot real estate market is making no one matter. Markets are changing. It has no reputation.
I also told my children that what they saw today was a professional who failed at his job in real time. He had one job: to make people want to buy that home. He did the opposite. Whatever he earned in commission on the previous sale, he gave a negative price today. Showing yourself is not enough. How you appear is everything.
To the real estate agents reading this, please hear this. Families walking into your open houses on a weekend afternoon are not distractions. They are your customers, your future referrals, and sometimes the real buyer your salesperson needs most. Treat them properly.
Don’t judge people by their appearance, especially if they are polite. Some very good-looking people may have tricks.
The market will not always justify poor services. And even then, there’s no excuse for making a potential client, let alone a child, feel unwelcome.
Mastery is not complicated. He welcomes people. You let them sit until closing time, maybe even a few minutes after. That’s the floor, not the ceiling.
That day in the open, we didn’t even find the ground.
Readers, have you ever met a real estate agent who is arrogant? What happened, and why do you think they behave that way when their whole job is to make prospective buyers feel welcome and sell the property? I’d love to hear your stories in the comments.
Update: That day, I emailed the main listing agent, who wasn’t there, and he forwarded my response to the listing agent. He later emailed me on Monday apologizing, explaining that his mind had been distracted by some personal matters. He even offered to meet me at my home to represent me if I don’t have an agent yet. I refused. But because of his apology, I have removed his name and open house address. Everyone has a bad day.
Invest In Real Estate Instantly
Investing in real estate is easy when you’re young. But as you get older, your tolerance for arrogant listing agents, bidding wars, and head-scratching dwindles. At some point, you start choosing to let the professionals handle it.
Fundrise makes it possible for anyone to invest in a diverse portfolio of private real estate for as little as $10. When I was kicked out of the open house today, Fundrise investors were quietly reaping the benefits of institutional-level real estate deals that they never had to visit, negotiate, or handle. You deposit money. Fundrise does the rest. You focus on what really matters.
Today you reminded me that the traditional path to real estate wealth comes with conflict and I don’t want it anymore. Also included are the most expensive gatekeepers.
As always, investing involves risk and past performance is no guarantee of future results. Fundrise is a long-term sponsor of Financial Samurai, and Financial Samurai is an investor in Fundrise products.
