A punk rock Dachsund goes bad, a Yeti cup competes with lava, and was the sci-fi legend ‘Alien’ a cautionary tale?
Mauricio opens up about holding his gun to protect his family, reacting to the failure of California
Welcome to the Wednesday edition of Nightcaps!
I hope you have a good week. I know that I am.
I had my first doctor’s appointment yesterday. I felt like George Jetson with higher-than-should-cholesterol.
Wait, remind me again why I was driving across town this early in the morning when this was an option… (Stock)
It was unbelievable. I rolled over in bed. I threw on a sweatshirt and a ball cap (I stayed in my pajamas) and sat at my table so the doctor could teach me what I should be doing if I wanted to be immortal.
The only thing that has left me upset is that I’ve been going to the same doctor for years, getting up early, and driving about 25 minutes in rush hour traffic just to have him ask me if everything is cool and go, “Yes, of course, doctor.”
And, perhaps the biggest part was that there was no waiting area. It was a nice change of pace not to have to put up with some old lady having a lung attack or some kid having problems.
I may never show my face in that office again now that I know this is an option. If we can do this for doctor visits, what about the dentist, the DMV, or your wife’s friends’ weddings?
Find in that technology eggs eggs!
Padres troll Bryce Harper’s brushing habits.
Yesterday, we talked about Bryce Harper’s toothpaste habits.
In fact, they were crazy. I mean, I didn’t think anyone on Earth could shoot a blob of toothpaste straight into their mouth instead of putting it in bottles like a human, but here we are.
DANICA PATRICK COMES OUT INDY TUNES, BRYCE HARPER’S WILD RELEASE, AND ‘MACHO MANSON’
At least the other team wouldn’t use this crap like Jumbotron bullets.
…Well, sit down… I’m told this happened very quickly.
The Phillies were in San Diego on Tuesday for the second game of a three-game series, and when Harper stepped up to the plate, the Padres were quick to brush their teeth to embarrass the Phillies star.
I feel like this is satanic.
Imagine you are Bryce Harper this time. Everyone looks at you like, “What a jerk,” and you can’t defend or explain your actions because you have to focus on your at-bat.
If I were running a major league team, I’d have a staff whose job it was to destroy any weird questions the opposition had so we could stick them on the Jumbotron.
If some guys put ketchup on pasta, our fans will know about it, they can shame him, and he will scream.
It’s like “Moneyball” but with public shaming.
Sure, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, but how does it handle mud? (Stock)
Stanley vs. Yeti vs. Molten Metal
One of the fun things about the internet is that you can be scrolling through X looking for sports news, and the next thing you know, you see someone throwing mud into metal drink cups.
HILARY DUFF’S LATEST INSTAGRAM CONTENT HAS SUBURBAN MILLENNIAL MOTHER GASPING, TENNIS GAME TURNED PAINFUL AND FLESH.
I don’t know who asked for the demonstration – maybe someone is in the market for an overpriced cup that needs to hold molten metal – but they did, and it’s amazing.
Wow. I bet there are heads in hands at Stanley Cup HQ this morning.
They get a boat race with people in Yeti, home of a cooler that you have to skip a car payment to buy.
But hey, if that mug can withstand magma, I think it can keep my coffee warm while I go to the post office.
Dachshunds might not be the first breed that comes to mind in terms of badassery, but you’d be wrong. (Stock)
Meet the baddest dachshund
Every sport needs a bad boy, and that extends to the world of canine agility competitions.
The li’l dachshund will go viral by making a statement, maaaaaaaaanand goes out of its way to drop every single cone in its path.
That’s very punk rock, isn’t it?
He’s like the GG Allin of dog agility obstacle courses… and if they didn’t take him outside to use the toilet early, maybe in more ways than one.
I love the applause from the crowd when he’s in the middle telling all the cones to hit the sand. Honestly, kicking over all those cones is more impressive than weaving around them.
WWE SUPERSTAR NIKKI BELLA HAS NEW TITLE FOR BOOZY AND COWBOYS CHEERLEADERS TRAVELING ABROAD
How else will a child know what to do when a killer alien escapes their interplanetary spaceship if you don’t take them to see an R-rated sci-fi horror movie at a very young age? (Stock)
Have you ever thought that maybe 1979’s ‘Alien’ is a cautionary tale?
I love seeing old videos because, at the moment, it’s as close as we can get to a time machine (until I get bugs in my prototype), and this one is awesome.
Basically, a local news station stood outside a movie theater showing “Alien” and flagged down parents who had taken their young children to see the R-rated sci-fi horror film when it exploded.
That, in itself, is ridiculous. The Soviets were months away from invading Afghanistan, so there shouldn’t have been much else to talk about.
When the first father they spoke with admitted that he was taking his young child to see it Alien it may have been an error in judgment, the second father did not regret it.
Why not? Because what if the story of Alien does it prove to be true?
I wish this had happened to me. All my father did was teach me how to change a tire and use a fire extinguisher.
If a Xenomorph walked in my front door right now, I would be seriously injured.
Well, he might be on to something. I’m not a parent, but if I were, I’d want my child to know what to do if they were part of an interstellar freighter with a dangerous insect on board.
None of my sons could stand there not knowing what to do when a foreigner’s child came and tore at his friend’s chest.
We need to track down the child in this video, who must be in his middle to late years. There is no better childhood story than “My dad made me see ‘Alien’ when I was very young because he was convinced it might be a true story.”
Let’s revisit the first great pitch
We will end this kind of Nightcaps revisiting one of my favorite videos.
Not long after I started at OutKick in the late summer of 2022, I wrote about John Daly being given the big honor of throwing out the first pitch at the St. Louis Cardinals.
And, boy, was it the most perfect first pitch in the history of first games.
He rolls up in shorts and flip-flops, pauses for a second, and fires a perfect arrow at the target.
ZERO BS. JUST DAKICH. TAKE THE DOD NOT @ ME PODCAST ON THE ROAD. DOWNLOAD NOW!
And, to finish this, Mrs. Missouri throwing his first pitch somewhere between the top floor and the Gateway Arch just made Daly look even better.
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That’s all for today’s program Nightcaps!
See you tomorrow!
